Bereavement, Grief and Loss

The Bereavement Process

While going through bereavement is to feel loss, sadness, and sometimes helplessness and intense sorrow, there are many ways of thinking about the grieving process. All kinds of feelings can emerge and no two people grieve in the same way. Denial, anger and depression are quite common emotions, as are acceptance and the sense that you can eventually move on.

We all want to “get on” with our lives, but grieving takes time and it's different for everyone. It can even involve guilt because we are not feeling as we “ought to be”. We may believe we can carry on as though nothing has changed. Others in our lives may expect us to carry on regardless, or give us a cut-off point for the grieving process to be over with, which can seem unfair. We worry we may never get over our loss. For some time, we may not want to let go at all.

Symptoms of Bereavement, Grief and Loss

After the loss of a loved one, many people experience symptoms of shock, numbness, overwhelming sadness, exhaustion, anger, and guilt. However, it's important to keep in mind that the symptoms of grief and mourning are experienced and expressed differently by everyone and can impact mental health in different ways. Symptoms of grief and loss include:

  • Low energy levels, feeling tired or weak

  • Changes in appetite (increase or decrease)

  • A hollow pit feeling in your stomach

  • Tightness in your chest or throat

  • Sensitivity to noise

  • Difficulty breathing

  • Dry mouth

  • Fear of sleeping or sleep difficulties

  • Aches and pains

This is not a comprehensive list of all the symptoms of grief and loss. Many people experience grief and loss in ways that are not listed above, whether it be psychologically or physically.

Bereavement Counselling

Whatever your concerns around bereavement, grief and loss are, talking about them with a counsellor can usually help. You may find it comforting to share your thoughts and memories about the person who has passed or the relationship that has gone with someone who will not judge you. A counsellor can provide practical advice to support you while you work through a range of emotions and learn how to carry on as your feelings change.

Importantly, there is no right or wrong way to feel about losing someone or something important in our lives. Whether it's a close relative or friend, a beloved pet or a job that you have relied on. One thing you can be sure of - your bereavement, grief and loss counsellor will listen and try to understand what you are going through at such a difficult time of loss. They are trained to put you first and go at your pace.

The 5 Phases of Grief

You may have encountered information about the "five phases of grief" in popular culture or research about grief, loss, and bereavement which were outlined in Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's seminal work Death and Dying, published in 1969.

Kubler-Ross initially established the 5 phases of grief to highlight various phases that people with terminal illnesses go through as they face death, however, it is now famously recognised to describe feelings of grief, loss and bereavement experienced by all.

Additionally, the loss was expanded to include other forms of loss, including the loss of a job, the end of a relationship or divorce, and the diagnosis of disease or infertility.

The five stages of grief according to Kübler-Ross are non-linear, in other words, they may be experienced in any order. They include:

Denial

Feeling numb, in disbelief, or carrying on as if nothing has happened. For example, a person going through denial may believe that a terminal diagnosis or loss may be mistaken.

Anger

Anger is a natural emotion felt after death, often felt towards a person who passed, at themselves, or anything related to the trigger causing grief, loss, or bereavement.

Bargaining

The stage of bargaining describes when a person attempts to negotiate, often to a higher power, to avoid or change the outcome of their loss. Commonly, this involves the promise of change or reform in lifestyle in exchange to extend life. Examples of bargaining include:

  • "I'll change my habits if I am able to attend my son's wedding

  • Perhaps I'll get a few more months if I change my ways

Bargaining also consists of what-if thinking, in which the person experiencing grief will think of ways they could have acted to prevent or change the outcome of a loss.

Depression

The depression stage of grief describes the intense feelings of sorrow and longing caused by grief. This pain of loss is often felt in waves and can cause a person to become withdrawn and feel hopeless.

Acceptance

The acceptance stage is when a person accepts the reality of a loss and recognises the new, permanent reality. Although one may never "get over" loss, we learn to take steps forward and live with our loss.

  • Grief is a normal part of life, but anyone that is struggling with their mental health due to loss can be supported. Grief and bereavement Counsellors can provide practical help and specific advice to help you as you work through different emotions.

  • Anxiety is a common feeling associated with grief and one to be expected. Counsellors can equip you with exercises to help you relax and cope with anxiety caused by grief.

  • It is perfectly normal to be tired or exhausted from grief. Grief can cause both physical and mental exhaustion.

  • The difference between grief and bereavement is that grief is associated with any form of loss while bereavement involves the death of a loved one.

  • The grieving process does not last for a specific set time, and everyone grieves differently. As time passes, each person moves the intense feelings of grief at their own pace, and eventually living with grief becomes easier.