Low Self-Esteem

What is low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem is an overly negative or critical outlook or opinion of one's self. People with low self-esteem often feel inadequate, are afraid to make mistakes, and fear they will not meet people's expectations. Over time, low self-esteem issues can impact mental health and confidence, and potentially lead to relationship problems.

Overall, low-self esteem and low self-confidence can make it harder to form new connections with people, often leading to feelings of loneliness.

We encourage you to seek out medical advice via your GP or speak with a mental health professional if you believe low-self esteem is impacting your mental health. St. Martin’s has a team of professional therapists experienced in treating anxiety and other mental health conditions.

Causes of low self-esteem

Causes of low self-esteem are unique to each person and can develop for various reasons. For some, self-esteem issues may occur over time, while for others it may suddenly. Additionally, some may be able to identify the causes of thier low self-esteem, while others may not be able to grasp why. A few causes of low-self esteem include:

Opinions of Others

The opinions of friends, family, significant others, carers and authority figures like teachers have lasting impacts on our self-esteem. When people close to you are overly critical or set high expectations, this can influence our thoughts and lead to the development of self-criticism and negative beliefs about ourselves.

Bullying, Abuse, and Loneliness

Bullying is one of the most common reasons for people to struggle with self-esteem and confidence issues. When a person or group of people are verbally or physically abusive, mental health and confidence almost always take a hit and cause second-guessing of one’s self-worth. Often, people wrongly blame themselves for being bullied and start to believe they deserved it, which is never the case.

Job difficulties and unemployment

Losing a job or struggling to find work for extended periods can cause negative thinking and low-self esteem. Examples of thoughts about employment associated with low-self esteem include not trusting in one’s own abilities, thoughts that another person is better, or thoughts of not being able to do a job well.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Some of the signs of low self-esteem include:

  • Mental health problems like anxiety and depression

  • Critical or abusive internal dialogue or "self-talk"

  • Believing you don't deserve “more”

  • Overly sensitive to criticism, whether from others or yourself.

  • Lacking boundaries or not prioritise your own needs, wants, and feelings

  • Apologising for things over you are not responsible for

  • Avoiding being the cause of any conflict 

  • Difficulty making choices

  • A negative self-perception

Impacts of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can cause people to avoid social situations, preventing them from trying new things or pursuing things they want because they don't believe in themselves. Additionally, low self-esteem can cause mental health problems and unhealthy habits:

How to Build Self-Esteem

Although you may have low self-esteem, it is possible to develop positive esteem for yourself and confidence. Often the first step in building healthy self-esteem is to actively identify and recognise negative beliefs, thought patterns, and unhelpful thinking. Learning self-acceptance, appreciating your strengths and positive qualities, and challenging negative thoughts are all steps toward building self-esteem.

Counselling to help with self-esteem

It can be difficult to overcome low self-esteem on your own, especially if you are overly critical of yourself and believe you can't get better. Counselling and psychotherapy can give you a safe space to build self-esteem with the help of a mental health professional. Therapists will help you explore the underlying causes low-self esteem and equip you with strategies to build back confidence.