Anger

Anger is a natural reaction felt by all humans, one of many negative emotions experienced when we feel fear, hurt, upset, or attacked. We all feel angry occasionally, and everyone experiences and expresses anger in their own way.

However, anger can become problematic, especially when it is expressed inappropriately or causes issues in daily life. Importantly, anger is not always directed at others.

For many, anger is directed inwards through the form of negative self-talk, denying yourself things that make you happy or even basic needs, self-harming, or isolating yourself from others.

We encourage you to seek out medical advice via your GP or speak with a mental health professional if you believe you have anger issues. St. Martin’s has a team of professional therapists experienced in treating anger and other mental health conditions.

Signs of Anger Management Issues

Although anger is expressed differently by all, a few signs indicate anger issues:

• Uncontrollable anger

• Anger that occurs at inappropriate times

• Anger lasting too long, not subsiding

• Anger contributes to unhelpful, destructive, or violent behaviour such as slamming doors and angry exchanges.

• Causes relationship issues or physical violence toward people you love.

• Other emotions come second to anger (anger is a secondary emotion)

• Anger has negative impacts on your mental health

Anger does not necessarily need to fall into one of the above signs to be considered a problem. If it becomes an aspect of you that you wish to change, that is the only reason needed to seek help.

Aside from the problems that can be caused in relationships, anger can also contribute to increased health risks, including coronary heart disease, heart attacks, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol.

Symptoms of Anger

Feelings experienced with anger:

• furious, raging or wanting revenge

• irritable and/or annoyed

• tense or stressed

• frustrated

Physical symptoms of Anger:

• chest tightness

• tense muscles

• feeling hot, sweating

• light-headed

• rapid heart rate

• shaky legs

• urge to use the toilet

• quick, shallow breathing

Steps to Controlling Anger

Managing anger isn't always easy, especially in the heat of the moment. However, there are a few steps to take to help prevent anger from taking over.

Take a "pause"

During moments of anger, it's easy to say or do hurtful things without thought. Next time you feel anger rising during an interaction, try to take a few moments or even a break if necessary before responding to someone. Let the person know that you need some time before carrying on with the conversation if you become very upset.

This critical time gives you and the person you are speaking with a moment to recollect thoughts, relax, reflect, and put each other in the other’s shoes.

Exercise or relaxation techniques

Anger isn't a permanent feeling and physical activity can quickly ease stress and anger. See below for some exercise ideas, relaxation techniques, and more.

Use 'I' statements

Anger is often caused when people feel criticised or blamed, especially when they feel the accusation is an injustice. To prevent accusation and blame, express your sentiments with "I" statements that highlight how you feel rather than using hurtful words.

For example, instead of saying "you never do laundry!", say "I felt overwhelmed and upset the other day when I had to do laundry on my own.”

Practise Forgiveness

Sometimes the best way to relieve anger is to forgive someone who has hurt or angered you. Negative feelings or grudges can prevent you from moving forward.

Laugh it off

Sometimes things slip out of our control or go against expectations. In those moments where it's easy to get angry, finding humour in the mess can release tension. Additionally, looking back at things that are guaranteed to make you laugh or smile when you start to feel angry can help prevent those feelings of anger from taking over.

Seek help

When self-help anger management techniques aren't seeming to do the trick and anger issues are taking over, seeking help from a professional that can guide you through can help.

Anger Treatment: Techniques, exercises, and professional support

Deep breathing and relaxation techniques

Deep breathing is a relaxation technique that also can help reduce feelings of anger. Stopping to take deep breaths can help you to relax and let your anger subside.

1. Inhale slowly for four seconds

2. Hold your breath in for four seconds

3. Exhale slowly for four seconds

4. Repeat for 5-10 minutes

Other relaxation techniques to reduce anger include progressive muscle relaxation and meditation.

Excercise

Exercise such as running, fast walking, swimming, bicycle riding and other activities can help release pent-up anger. A study conducted by Stockholm University showed that participants who exercised 2-3 times per week experienced on average a decrease in depression, anger, and stress.

Counselling and Psychotherapy

When anger techniques like the above aren’t sufficient, counselling and psychotherapy can help you learn to take back control of your anger under the guidance of a highly-skilled counsellor. Counselling with a focus on anger will help you:

• Explore the underlying causes of your anger

• Learn techniques to manage anger and improve your responses to situations that make you angry.

• Learn to process and express your feelings in a healthy way.

• Improve relationships hindered by anger and aggression

Negative self-talk caused by anger

Self-talk is the internal dialogue that you have with yourself throughout the day. When things are going well, your thoughts are likely optimistic, encouraging, and helpful. On the other end of the spectrum is negative self-talk, the critical inner voice that can be counterproductive, harmful and produce negative feelings. With anger, anxiety, depression, and low-self esteem, negative self-talk can often be cruel and excessively negative. Examples are not limited to but often include a similar narrative:

• “I can’t do anything right.”

• “I’m not smart enough to do that.”

• “I hate who I am.”

• “I hate my body.

• “I don’t deserve to be loved.”

When anger causes excessive and harmful negative self-talk, this can in turn provoke stress and anxiety. Counselling and psychotherapy can help address negative self-talk by helping those with this issue to recognise, control, and change counterproductive inner narratives.

Commonly asked questions about Anger